August has been a run away freight train that I feel like I barely have a grasp on. My illusion of control has been shattered as I desperately try to hang onto the train that threatens to leave me alone on the tracks in the middle of the wild places. At the same time I feel more alive and energized than I have felt in years. It is a daily whirlwind of emotions, which at the end of the day I feel emotionally hungover as insomnia creeps out and refuses to nourish my exhausted soul.
So through this I am working desperately to hold onto the sweetness of August. I had a couple of amazing river trips, one of which was a First Descents Middle Fork Salmon trip. This trip we brought 11 young adults, all of whom had had a journey with cancer. It was intense to say the least. Everyone spent time kayaking, many kayaked the entire river. To see the effect of this trip was humbling. It rejuvenated me, and gave an even deeper meaning to my job.
This trip showed me of the incredible energy we all possess. These adults taught me so much about living in the moment and embracing our vulnerability. It is something I hope to hold onto for my whole life.
I was reminded of the things I love about myself that I had forgotten for so long. I rediscovered parts of me that I thought I had lost. It is incredibly refreshing to find a mirror to your soul. Something that unearths the deep roots of your being and reminds you that you are amazing, exactly how you are. And then, the painful but powerful realization that moments are fleeting and glances are momentary.
If anything August has taught me to savor these brief moments. The end of summer tastes like sweet peaches and smells like the smoke of an out-of-control wildfire, burning deep in the heart of our wildest spaces. It has forced me to be present, but as I leave it, as this memory begins to fade, I struggle to stay present.
I have no idea what tomorrow holds, or the next month, or year. As much as we all like to think we do, we really have no clue. So today, I am grateful for the sweetness of peaches and the smells of wildfire, reminding me what it feels like to be fully present and alive.
where is kiki 